Greetings, WG2E folks!
Today, I’m going to talk about something that I see on occasion while editing.
We’re all familiar with urban and suburban sprawl and some of the negative consequences that have followed as a result. There is a similar phenomenon that can crop up in our writing from time to time. I’m talking about sentence sprawl.
Sentence sprawl occurs when a writer strings too many subordinate or coordinate clauses together in one sentence. Just to refresh everyone’s memory, a subordinate clause is one joined by which, that, who or where. A coordinate clause is joined by or, and, or but.
Here’s an example of what we’re talking about.
The meeting had been planned for Wednesday, June 3, but there were some members who were not going to be available, so they rescheduled it for June 15, and then all members would be able to attend.
Okay. I realize that is a bit of an extreme example, but it should effectively get the point across.
Just keep in mind that, with commercial fiction, we’re looking for sentences that lean more toward short and crisp. This isn’t to say you should be afraid to toss in two or even three clauses in a sentence. I just wouldn’t do this sentence after sentence.
It’s best to vary your sentence structure and length as you go along. A manuscript that contained nothing but sentences with a single clause would be utterly unreadable. However, once you get into the rarified air of the fourth clause in a sentence, you’re pushing the envelope.
This is not a big issue with most of the writers that I work with, but I do see it from time to time, so I thought it was worth mentioning, and now I have. See what I did there? I just couldn’t help myself.
Wishing everyone out there in WG2E land a great weekend!
Thanks! Good to remember, especially for us authors with a tendency to go on and on! I find myself doing that sometimes!
Hi, Tamara!
I think we’ve all done it. Cheers!
I run into this a lot with some of the kids I work with in schools. I have also seen it in some of the fledgling writers who ask me for advice on a manuscript.
I tell them that sentences should be like potato chips. They need to be bite-sized. They need to compel the reader to crunch them, one after another, in great fistfuls of grease and salt desire. You try and bite into a potato chip that is larger than your head and you’re going to wind up with a lap full of potato chip crumbs. That’ll make the cat happy – but cats don’t buy books – potato chips do!
Or something like that.
Thanks, Steve!
That’s a great analogy.
Matt, I have that issue at times- are they also called run-on sentences? Great post and happy Sunday to you:)
Hi, Lois!
Yep. Definitely the same animal as run-on sentences.
Happy Sunday right back atcha!
I see sentence structure as another element to pacing and mood. In a more exciting, high energy scene (regardless of whether happy, scary, actiony, etc.), I tend towards shorter, clipped sentences, even in dialogue (relative to the characters’ speech patterns and habits). In slower, relaxed, more sedate scenes/ descriptions/moments, I tend toward longer and more complex sentences. Both forms are present in both types of scenes, but the more prevalent sentence structure tends to match the pacing/engagement/purpose of the scene.
If I’m having difficulty capturing a moment, I will often start there, with sentence structure, even if when I’m sure that what I come up with at first will not remain in the permanent version. Sometimes focusing on controlling the sentence structure will get the ball rolling on the creative side of my brain.
Thanks, Randi.
You make some great points. I think it is important to keep the sentence structure appropriate to the type of scene you’re writing. Excellent point!
Once the book is all done, you can test readability by reading the book out loud or having it read out loud. If I don’t have a reader available, I have the computer read it back to me and just close my eyes and listen. If I loose track of the action or dialogue by the end of a sentence, I consider reworking it or asking the person I’m reading for to check the sentence as possibly too long.
Hi, SK.
That sounds like a great system. Wishing you many years of productive writing!
I, too, do the ‘read aloud’ test. If you find yourself skipping over words when you read it aloud, it’s time to break it into multiple sentences or cut it completely.
Me too, Anna! If I’m uncomfortable reading it out loud…in that, it’s waaay too long between breaths, I know I need to chop words and restructure the sentence.