Hello to everyone who is a part of WG2E. This will unfortunately be my last posting for the foreseeable future. My writing career is on hold, and at this point I do not know if it will ever return, or if I will live long enough for that to happen. There’s a lot of that in my life right now.
As many of you are aware, I went into hospital on April 2nd. I have been a paraplegic for 22 years, but still able to “walk” on crutches clipped to my arms. I have known for the last year or so that my ability to continue in this matter was coming to an end. A wheelchair has always been in my future and when your future turns into your pasture you have to watch your step. I was prepared for that. I had accepted it. I didn’t really expect it to reach the end while standing in a lavatory on an airplane over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, though.
When I entered the hospital I had a huge team of people working on me within 15 minutes of arriving. They drew enough blood out of me to feed a family of vampires for a month or two. A couple of days later a doctor came to see me and said that they had noticed something unusual on one of the tests. The next thing I knew I was sent for an ultrasound. (Thankfully, I am not pregnant even if my belly made it look like I was having twins.) Later that day I was wheeled down the hall again for a CT scan.
A few days later, another doctor came to my room and told me that I had advanced cirrhosis of the liver. I thought that couldn’t be possible because I only drank the occasional beer, a bit of wine, and on special occasions a single malt scotch (as in “a”, “single” single malt scotch.) That’s when I learned that not all cirrhosis victims are heavy drinkers. They called what I have non-alcoholic cirrhosis.
I asked if I would need a transplant and was told they only worry about that when your condition gets bad. Two weeks later, a specialist came to see me and told me that I was in serious condition and would be needing a transplant sooner rather than later. I said at least it’s one of those transplants that can be done with a portion of a liver from a live donor. Apparently, in my case that wouldn’t work. I need an entire liver from a deceased donor.
It really threw me when someone said, “It must seem weird waiting for someone else to die so you can live.”
So what does all of this mean to my writing career? Plenty. Aside from the fact that I am somewhat terrified by it all, one of the effects of cirrhosis is a reduction in your ability to concentrate and focus. Certain toxins in your blood are not effectively filtered by the liver, and they affect the part of your brain responsible for concentration… It’s taken several hours and a lot of stop and go to write this short post.
SQUIRREL!
That overly large belly I mentioned above is partially due to another one of the symptoms, and partially an affinity to enjoying many foods that have now been removed from my diet. I asked a doctor what was life without cheese, and she said “Longer.”
People often ask if there is anything they can do for me. A lot of said they would pray for me, which is appreciated, but I think I am now the most prayed over atheist since Paul got his donkey barbecued out from under him on the road to Damascus. The only thing I am asking people to consider is to make sure that they have signed an organ donor card and made their families aware of that decision. It may not help me directly, but it will help others in my position. I unfortunately live in the Canadian province that has the lowest per capita rate of organ donors, but at least I won’t have to pay for it when and if one does come along. (After 60 days in hospital my total bill was $0.00, and people in the US don’t want national health care???)
So I leave you all in good hands. DeeDee cares so much about this writing community and you are lucky to have her. I really appreciate the notes from so many of you, and DeeDee’s help promoting my books through RG2E. I wish all of you the very best in your writing careers, and hope that you are never faced with this kind of a situation.
Thank you for the update, Gordon. In addition to offering positive thoughts for your transplant situation, I wish you the kind of peace that comes with acceptance, and yes, I know how hard that is to achieve. I long ago filled out an organ donor card, and when my husband died, I allowed them to harvest anything viable. The list was astounding. Although his family was initially aghast at my decision, I believe that in the long run that was something they came to understand and were proud of, that he continued to help people after his death.
Gordon, all the very best for you, with great hopes we will hear from you again.
All the best for the future, Gordon. I do hope that you have longer to live than you think. I hope that you get better soon.
I’ve got my donor card filled out, my friend, and everyone knows my wishes as well.
We’re doing another RG2E “We Luuuvvv Gordon Kirkland” Day today…so please c’mon over, y’all, and I’ll Ebook Gift you one of Gordon’s waaay fun reads!
http://bit.ly/L0kjJn
Gordon, you know how very much I luv and adore you, and will forever treasure you.
Gordon and I met on Facebook, for those of you who don’t know our history, and have been buddies ever since. He and I also hit Amazon’s Movers and Shakers List for the first time the same night, and sat there together – via Facebook – messaging each other while we watched our move up that list. One of the best nights of my life, and to share it with you, Gordon, is what made it so special.
I luv ya bunches and am probably the reason you relate to Paul and his barbecued donkey.
My dear Gordon:
Your courage in writing this post is enormous. But I suggest you take it up a notch…Yeah, I’m challenging a man who is fighting for his life. What type of nonsense is that? I think…no, I hope…you continue to write…a daily journal about your journey. It would be invaluable for people who will be in your position and for those who love them.
I know personally the difficulties of loving someone waiting for a transplant. Your thoughts would be invaluable to someone needing inspiration.
Whatever you choose, I wish you the best.
Blessings,
Mitzi – organ donor for more than 20 years
Oh Gordon,
My heart goes out to you. You are living the nightmare we all fear in one way or another. I hope and pray this chapter of your life has a happy ending. Enough with the cliff-hangers.
Prayer does work… believe it or not. Somehow it alters the universe and its plans for us.
I wish you god-speed and hope to see you writing again before the year is up.
I laugh when I recall the first time I saw your kisser.
Your face kept floating by repeatedly on … I think it was Kindle Boards.
I was wondering how the heck he did that.
Much love and lots of hugs but not in the liver area.
Barbara
Thank you for your very open post and best of luck, Gordon!
Dear Gordon, may that new liver be yours in time. You’ve made me think twice about transplants and how necessary organ donor cards are. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and send good vibrations your way. All the very best. Hugs and love. xxx Pam Howes.
Gordon –
I wish you all the best in this tough time in your life. My heart goes out to you. Miracles do happen you know!
Unfortunately, I myself cannot be a donor, but if I could I would be and I urge people to fill out their donor cards. With Canada being our neighbor to the north, it’s a shame we can’t overlap in such life saving matters as donor/transplants. Oh and don’t get me started about the health care situation in this country!! LOL!
I’ll keep you in my thoughts (and prayers). . .
Thinking hugs your way, Gordon! Thanks for being you.
I’m sorry you’re so sick. My BOL suffers for cirrosis that’s a complication of hepatitis he’d contracted years and years ago, though they keep nursing his liver along with medication and diet. We’re all organ donors in this family. I do hope you continue to write about your journey.
Gordon, wishing you all the best. I am an organ donor and have made it clear to family that when I’m gone if there is some way I can help others, I want that done. It is unfortunate that the end of someone elses life is what is needed to help you, but helping others live longer is better than them simply dying.
Hugs and prayers for you, and hope to hear from you again!
Gordon- your courage is remarkable and my thoughts and prayers are with you! I am honored to have “met” you as well:)
Gordon, thank you for a courageous and, yes, inspiring, post. We (Michael & I) send our very best wishes to you & your loved ones.
My driver’s license says I’m a donor, my family members all know I’m a donor, every time I get a new doctor (frequent because we’re military) I tell my primary care physician to put in my chart I am a donor, AND I have medical directive dictating that I do not want to be kept on sustained life support if I am declared brain dead by more than one doctor (doctors are humans, too). We keep a copy of that in our cars, with our parents, and at home. We’re covered.
OR at least as much as we can be…. I won’t wear the organ donor dog tag things.
All the very best, Gordon. My thoughts and wishes are with you.
SQUIRREL!
That made me laugh, despite how grim the words surrounding it were. I admire your attitude.
You are such a class act and we need your mind, your thoughts and everything you’ve learned that is stored in that great brain. If your post is any indication, that pesky liver hasn’t infiltrated it yet. The end of the line? Hardly. I’m holding a place for you up front.
I agree with Consuelo. I believe you’re going to get that liver you need and be once again sharing that wonderful and unique wit of yours with the world.
Love and best wishes, Gordon, all the way from Perth Australia.
You’ve achieved an amazing thing with WG2E, and helped out a lot of people.
I’d say you’ve earned a rest!
Good luck finding a donor – my wife and I both carry cards.
Tony
Hi Gordon,
Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts with us. Please remember that you have contributed your best. Your books will live on as a testament – not everyone can say that about their lives.
I wish you comfort and peace in that thought.
~Nancy Jill
Hi, Gordon, My mother is dying of cirhossis of the liver, non-alcoholic. And I want to write this here and now, I’m not sure what caused yours, but hers was caused by acetaminophen. In addition to taking a large bottle of them every month, her 2 doctor prescribed pain killers had it in them as well. It kills your liver. I don’t take the stuff at all. I actually had ditched the stuff when a pharmacist spoke to us at a writers meeting on poisons and said that it was one, especially when combined with cold meds.
My mom’s in a nursing home now and as long as they keep the fluids drained off, she is doing well. They keep a closer watch on her stats than we could do when she was at home. Yeah, when the belly swells, it’s time to go get drained. She’s lived with this advanced condition well over a year now, although we nearly lost her when she wasn’t monitoring her stats, and the brain fog was bizarre, she made no sense at all when you talked to her. But now she’s a lot better.
So what I’m saying is I hope you’re like her, keep up with your ammonia levels and stay on top of that and hopefully things will turn out the best for you.
hugs.
Gordon, prayers and best wishes toward your current challenges. Hopefully you are well buoyed by the good thoughts from your many author friends!
*hearts and Hugs* to you. May your days still be filled with sunshine and cheer and even your darkest days have a silver lining. *hearts and more hugs*
I work for a company that makes a test used to monitor patients post transplant. I wish you luck in finding the appropriate donor soon, and that once it’s inside you it works marvoulously well!
*huggles*
:} Cathryn Leigh
Best wishes in your courageous battle. It isn’t until a serious health issue attacks that we all appreciate many things more, and our Canadian health system is one item on the list.
Gordon, my mother has suffered with non-alcoholic cirrhosis for thirty years. Thankfully, so far, the medication has worked. I’m sending my best wishes for a quick recovery. I’ve had my donor card filled out since her diagnosis.
Gordon, I am so sorry you are going through this. I see that you haven’t lost your amazing sense of humor which is wonderful. I think it helps to keep a positive attitude. I hope you get your transplant soon. I’m sending good thoughts your way. And even though you’re not a believer, I am, so I’ll continue to pray for you as well. {{{hugs}}}
Love and Best wishes, Gordan. I signed the back of my license to be a donor and my family know my wishes. It was instilled in me from a very young age. My mother was a nurse and told us she would give away everything we had if anything happened to my sister or me. Now my husband would have the final say and he knows I would haunt him to the ends of the earth if he refused my organs to anyone. Wishing you a successful recovery.
Dear Gordon:
That was a wonderful post; mixing pathos and humor is a true gift. And forcing lurkers like me to write? Astounding. I hope that you’ve given folks something to think about when it comes to organ donation.
I just wanted to let you know that back in 2005, my sister died suddenly from a stroke; she was an organ donor, but none of the family knew it. I met with the organ donation folks; they were gentle, caring and wonderful. I was in shock, and they led me through the process and let me know what a wonderful gift my sister had truly given.
Anyway, I was a newspaper columnist at the time. I wrote a column a few weeks later detailing the event. I mentioned I was still hemming and hawing about becoming an organ donor. I don’t know why – what I thought I’d do with my organs in the great beyond was beyond me.
But I received an angry phone call right after the column ran. “Are you Diane Majeske?” said the elderly voice on the phone.
“Yes,” I said.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” said the woman. “Coffins don’t need kidneys!!”
I had to smile.And I realized she was right.
Best of luck to you, Gordon. And I hope to be reading more of your posts.
Sincerely,
Diane
Gordon, I so hope that you do get all the care and everything you need to live a long, happy life. Your post gave me goosebumps while also making me tear up and laugh all within the span of a few minutes. I love your attitude and sense of humor. I am an organ donor and I hope your post gets other people to become donors and give blood, anything we can all do to help each other.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Theresa
I’m blown away by your post and the emotional courage you have to share it all! I will be sending you positive karma (another more secular name for prayer) and wish you well.
I have a feeling we’ll be hearing from you again…
Stephanie Queen
Well, Gordon, I wish you recovery and wish to say I have enjoyed your presence online. Thank you for your work.
So as an agnostic, I’ll just keep you in my thoughts. Have been a donor since I got my first driver’s license. It is good to hear that you still have your sense of humor. As a diabetic with fatty liver (a kind of pre-cirhosis) I can attest to the fact that life without cheese is in deed longer and slightly less delicious.
Gordon, all the very best of wishes and thoughts to you and your family from a fellow Canadian. I and most of my family have been organ donors for years, for just the reasons you point out. It’s my sincere hope that you get that liver ASAP. As for our Canadian health care system – it rocks! After all, not only don’t we have to pay for our doctors and hospital stays, can chose our own MD’s and hospitals, we don’t even have to pay for the insurance to cover most medicines or procedures either. With everything else going on medically with you, at least you don’t have the stress of worrying about any undue financial hardship your illness may cause your family. Take care and God bless.
Big Hugs Gordon!
Sending you loads of healing light, hope you have a speedy recovery so you can keep writing, we need your wonderful humor, it makes the world a better place!
Although I don’t know you personally, I visit this blog almost every day, and whether or not I comment, I read the posts. I’ve enjoyed your humor and on occasion have laughed out loud at your words. Today, however, your words have deeply saddened me.
I wish you the best and hope that a miraculous recovery is in your very near future. Take care!
Wow. Thanks for your candor. Prayers for your health.
Best,
Gordon,
We are all so saddened by your news. Your presence here will be missed. I am hoping you will be able to return to us in the coming months, as I’m sure everyone here is. We’ll keep you in our thoughts and hopefully the collective good will and hopes will bring about something positive in your life.
Take care.
Lily
Gordon, I don’t know you, but I wish you the best outcome in a bad situation. In Texas, you designate on your driver’s license if you wish to be a donor which both my husband and I are. I lost a dear friend about 10 years ago because he needed a kidney and by the time one was available, he was in too bad a shape to be a candidate.
We’re going to miss your great posts, Gordon.
Wishing you all the best.
You are an awesome, inspiring writer with a wonderful sense of humor. The world is a much better place, because you are in it. I love your books, and I’m so glad to have been able to read them. My thoughts will continue to be with you and your family as you wait for your liver transplant, and hopefully, back to your writing.
I’m going to offer prayers anyway, Gordon, because it’s important to me. I’ll also send positive thoughts your way, and encourage you to journal about your journey.
My cousin’s 20-year-old daughter, Tanya, was hit by a car on Monday and killed. Until reading this blog post, it didn’t even occur to me that Tanya could have been an organ donor. I had to stop and think about it, and realized that since she didn’t have identification on her, there would have been no way of knowing if she was a donor. And the police didn’t track down her family until the next morning, when it would have been far too late, even if amid the shock and horror and grief someone had even thought of it. It would have been comforting to know part of Tanya lived on in another human, making his or her life better. The fact that it didn’t happen is another loss among the many. I’ll spread the word to become a donor.
Gordon: In the spirit of your brave and sometimes humorous post, may I hope against hope that this was simply a brilliant way to market your books???
If only it were.
Love to you.
Gordon! I know you said you didn’t want prayers, but you’re getting them anyway. I wish you the best of health, a new liver, a speedy recovery, and the best that life has to offer you so that you can come around again. Lots of love to you.
Gordon, I’m offering prayers, too, for all of us. And I look forward to the day you post an update saying, “I’m baaaaaaack!” Sending love and cyber hugs.
Dear Gordon, Your books have made me laugh so hard at times I almost cried. Sorry to hear about your medical ” Dilema” Life is like that though; it’s like a box of chocolates- you never know what your going to get ( from the movie Forrest Gump). Anyway- I wish you well, I wish you no suffering and say hello to my father ( who just passed) his name is Warren. Lori
Gordon,
I’m so, so sorry you’ve had such a set back and such bad news. I’m sending good wishes and thoughts your way, as well as remembering you in my prayers (I believe in them
). I hope they find a new liver for you quickly and that you’ll be able to rejoin us before long. You will be missed!
Please remain hopeful — KC
Gordon-
Your courage is amazing. Keeping you in my thoughts that all will turn out well. Both Husband and I are listed on our drivers license as donors. I wish people down here would realize we do need insurance like they have up there.
I hope you do find a donor soon. It seems unfair that you, a careful drinker as you said, should get a disease that most people associate with drinking – it’s like being arrested for a crime you didn’t commit! Like many of the other well-wishers in the comments, I’m thinking of you and look forward to hearing the news of your recovery.
Dear Gordon, thank you for sharing what is going on in your life right now. Your post and courae are amazing. I have enjoyed reading your books. Thank you for brightening my life and the lives of others with your wit and insight. I’m praying for you, whether you like it or not.
And thank you for encouraging people to fill out organ donor cards. Just wrote my advanced medical directive, which includes donating any and all usable organs.
Gordon,
Your courage and humor in the face of all you are dealing with is a zap of attentiveness toward my own mortality. I shall dig out my donor card and be sure it says to disperse whatever of me anyone can use.
Adeline